


What Could Have Been and What Will Always Be

by UndeadOctopus



Category: Hawaii Five-0 (2010)
Genre: Angst, Bromance, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Episode: s07e07 Ka Makuahine A Me Ke Keikikane (Mother and Son), F/M, Gen, Past Steve McGarrett/Catherine Rollins, Steve Needs a Hug, episode tag to 7.07
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-27
Updated: 2020-02-27
Packaged: 2021-02-28 02:55:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,725
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22916590
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/UndeadOctopus/pseuds/UndeadOctopus
Summary: "She would have said yes."-----------------------Steve thought he had moved on from Catherine. It turns out moving on is a lot easier said than done, but Danny plans on being right beside him every step of the way.
Relationships: Steve McGarrett & Danny "Danno" Williams, Steve McGarrett/Catherine Rollins
Comments: 4
Kudos: 29





	What Could Have Been and What Will Always Be

**Author's Note:**

> So I started watching Hawaii Five-0 in November, promptly became obsessed with it, then proceeded to binge the next 7 seasons in just under 2 months. This newest obsession prompted me to start not one but three WIPs, and this is the first fic I've ever finished.   
> I am a huge McRollins shipper, and even now I'm still not over the end of this episode. So this is pure, self-indulgent catharsis. It took me a while to get this polished up into something I was happy with, but here it is!   
> Massive thanks to just_another_outcast for beta reading and helping make the words go.

Danny decided it was a good thing he had missed out on Steve’s latest escapade. The minute his plane had landed, Danny had called HQ for an update. Chin’s sit-rep had basically amounted to “Yes, we got Doris out, we’re all fine, yes, he really is, he didn’t just tell me to say that.” Naturally, he had gone to Steve as soon as possible to demand further explanation. Now, they sat together in Steve’s backyard, beers in hand, watching the waves lap lazily at the shore as Steve regaled him with every last aneurysm-inducing detail. As much as Danny had worried about Steve, it was far better for his sanity that he had not joined the Super SEAL in breaking into a freaking CIA black site. At least Steve had gone in with backup this time. Granted, it was more backup than he had originally planned on taking with him, but the team had come through, and everything had worked out okay. Judging by Steve’s energetic description of the unsanctioned op, the goof even had some kind of fun doing it. And wasn’t that just like Steve. Pulling nearly impossible stunts that would make normal people piss themselves, and finding joy in it. 

Danny was glad Catherine had been there with Steve. He was grateful to the rest of the team too, of course, but Steve and Cath had a different sort of history. The two were the same special brand of crazy. Cath, though, had just enough sense to balance out Steve. The others were great, and Danny loved them to death, but they were often too lenient with Steve as far as he was concerned. Steve didn’t just need backup, he needed someone who would call him out on his bullshit, who would stop him from being too reckless if, or rather when, the need arose. Normally, Danny took it upon himself to be that someone, but Catherine also filled the role beautifully in a pinch. The two of them were amazing together, and Steve wasn’t the only one shocked by her sudden departure. The whole ohana had mourned with him for what could have been.

As the sun began to dip below the horizon, Steve’s mood seemed to drop with it. Danny pretended not to notice that by the time he was halfway done with his drink, Steve had already finished one and was well into a second. 

When what had started as a comfortable silence stretched just a bit too long, and his friend sighed heavily, Danny finally gave in to his concern.   
“You alright, babe?” he asked, although he was pretty sure he already knew what Steve’s answer would be. 

Sure enough, Steve replied with a mumbled “I’m fine,” just a bit too terse to be convincing.

“See, here’s the thing,” Danny said incredulously, “quite often, when you use the words ‘I’m fine,’ it’s after you’ve been stabbed, or taken a bullet, or, say, pulled three stitches after a liver transplant. None of which fall under the commonly accepted definition of ‘fine.’ So you’ll forgive me if I’m a little skeptical when you tell me you’re ‘fine.’”

Steve took a deep breath, but said nothing. Danny knew he was right the moment Steve failed to comment on him bringing up the liver thing again. He only mentioned it all the time as a way of reminding Steve that he cared; getting a rise out of his partner was just an added bonus. The current lack of reaction was concerning. 

Danny kept quiet, despite everything in him wanting to push for more information. He knew how hard it was for Steve to talk about anything he saw as weakness. He had made a lot of progress in the six years they’d been partners, but showing vulnerability was not something that came naturally to him. Luckily, Danny was nothing if not a detective, and he had gotten very good at reading his friend. He knew from experience that right now, trying to force Steve to talk if he wasn’t ready would only make him clam up. He was here to listen if Steve needed it, and that was what mattered. If Steve just wanted to sit together in silence, Danny was willing to do that too. So, hoping Steve would feel compelled to fill it, he let the silence stretch between them. 

“She would have said yes,” Steve finally said, almost too softly to hear. 

And there was the elephant in the room. Catherine had shown up out of the blue to ask Steve for his help, and had promptly left again after the job was done, but so far their conversation had rather noticeably danced around that detail. 

“Catherine found out that I’d been planning to propose. She said if I had asked…” Steve swallowed, trying in vain to hide the crack in his voice. “She said she would have said yes.”

“Oh, babe…” Danny’s heart broke for his brother. The sting of rejection was one thing, but it was nothing compared to the pain of the almost-was, the might-have-been. 

Steve rubbed a hand down his face, letting out a humorless chuckle. “I don’t even know if that makes me feel better or worse.”  
From where Danny was sitting, it definitely looked like “worse.” 

Steve sat there with his mouth half open, seemingly unable to ask any of the thousand questions that must be on his mind. Though he never shared them in as many words, Danny was well aware of the kind of doubts Steve had the first time Catherine left. He had wondered if he hadn’t made his feelings clear enough. If, despite all evidence to the contrary, she didn’t feel the same way he did. If he wasn’t enough. 

“Why?” he finally said. “Why would she leave if she felt the same?” With that, the floodgates opened, and the questions poured out. “I don’t get it, she said she was happy, but was she really? If she would have said yes, that means she would have been happy staying too, right? So why didn’t she? Did I not make it clear enough? Did she think I didn’t feel the same? What did I do wrong?”

In an instant, Danny was out of his chair and crouching closer to Steve’s side, pulling his brother into an awkward half-hug. “Babe, no, it’s not your fault, you didn’t do anything wrong.” Of course Steve was blaming himself for this. Danny didn’t understand how Steve managed to twist just about any situation into somehow being his fault. An “internal locus of control” is what Steve called it. Danny called it a guilt complex. Either way, it hurt to see him beating himself up like that. “It was her choice, not yours.”

Danny was trying very, very hard not to be angry at Catherine. After all, she was his friend too, not just Steve’s. In the short time she had worked with Five-0, she quickly became part of their little ohana. Besides, working with the CIA wasn’t a career that lent itself well to settling down. To some degree, Danny understood why she had made the decision she did. He understood the need to feel like you were making the difference only you could make, and he couldn’t fault her for that. That desire was part of the reason he had become a cop. He just wished her poorly-timed decision hadn’t caused his best friend so much heartache. 

Steve shook his head. “I know I can’t wait for her, but how am I supposed to move on now?”

“I don’t know,” Danny answered honestly. “I wish there was an easy answer. I wish there was anything I could say that would magically make everything better, but there's not.” He pulled back a bit, leaving his hand on Steve’s shoulder. “Someone like that comes into your life, makes that kind of impact on you, it’s like they carve out a place in your heart. When they leave, there’s always gonna be a hole left.” 

Moving on was difficult with any relationship, especially one as long-standing as Steve and Catherine’s— because no matter when they actually admitted it to themselves, they had been in love with each other for years— but Danny had a feeling it would be even harder for Steve. Experience as a cop told Danny that certain people need a certain kind of life partner. Danny’s marriage had fallen apart largely because Rachel was not cut out to be a cop’s wife. Logically, the same thing would apply to a relationship with a combat veteran, especially one who had seen the kind of things Steve had. Who better for a Navy SEAL than a fellow sailor? Someone who had the same kind of baggage, who knew exactly how to help carry it. They were perfect for each other. They would have been perfect, if not for their terrible timing. So Danny had no idea how Steve could possibly move on. He might never be able to, but Danny had to at least help his brother try.

“You know I’m the last person to be giving relationship advice, but for what it’s worth, I think if it's meant to be, it will. If you and Cath are really, I don’t know, soulmates or whatever, then when she’s ready, when she’s done with her whole journey of self-discovery, then...she’ll come back.” However much Catherine loved Steve, she wasn’t ready to commit to a life with him until she had herself figured out. “But you’re right, you can’t wait around for her. You deserve better than that. You can’t put your life on hold for her any more than she could for you. Don’t let yourself dwell on the ‘what if’s.” He squeezed Steve’s shoulder reassuringly as his brother met his gaze, eyes brimming with unshed tears. “Look, maybe she comes back one day, maybe not. But either way...whatever happens, I’m here for you. You know that, right? You need anything, you need someone to talk to, you need a wingman, a shoulder to cry on, whatever, I’m there, babe. That’s what ohana’s for, right?”

Though he would almost certainly deny it later, Steve gave in and let the tears fall as he leaned back into Danny’s embrace.

“No matter how hard you try to get rid of me, I’ll always be here.”


End file.
